100 Things I cannot do
1. I cannot let anyone rape me.
2. Even if it’s funny as hell and over the internet.
3. In real life, it’s not that funny.
4. Why do we laugh at it if real rape isn’t funny?
5. I dunno.
6. I cannot let people walk on me.
7. People say I do that too much.
8. I cannot use Scottie as a human shield.
9. Or call him Scottie.
10. Even if both of those things are funny as hell.
11. You know what?
12. I’m gonna do them anyway.
13. I cannot cuss in front of my parents.
14. Even though Kait could since she was my age.
15. I’d probably get killed by my dad.
16. Which is unfair.
17. I cannot stand my name being mispronounced.
18. My name is not “Strausser.”
19. It’s Strauser.
20. And it’s pronounced “straw-sir.”
21. Get it right or else.
22. I cannot let people get to me.
23. Even if it does.
24. You just gotta grin and bear it!
25. I cannot laugh at what my friends online type.
26. I get funny looks from my sister.
27. And sometimes from my mom.
28. They think I’m a weirdo.
29. I’m not that weird.
30. My friends are weirder.
31. I mean my real life ones too.
32. I cannot let any family members watch what I do online.
33. I’ll get killed if they see me cursing.
34. Or laughing at sex jokes.
35. Or anything at all.
36. I cannot stand my sister.
37. She’s annoying.
38. I mean the little one.
39. Since I have two.
40. She knows I’m on my laptop, listening to music.
41. Yet she insists on playing her keyboard.
42. Which is stupidly placed right next to my laptop.
43. Whose idea was that?
44. Oh yeah, my mom’s.
45. My stupid laptop cord doesn’t go far enough.
46. I’m stuck in this little spot by the window.
47. I cannot let anyone bag on my writing.
48. They’re just jealous.
49. They’re jealous I’m going to be a world class author.
50. And they’re not.
51. When they see my books on the top ten selling list,
52. I’m sure they’ll cry.
53. Like the babies they are.
54. Seriously.
55. True Blood is fucking awesome.
56. It’s not fucking Twilight.
57. Neither is Plague.
58. Both of them are better than Twilight.
59. Eric Northman is sexy.
60. So is Taylor Lautner.
61. Even though I hate Twilight.
62. That’s why I’m going to see Vampires Suck.
63. The True Blood finale is in three weeks! (NOOOOOOOOOOO!!)
64. I better find out what the hell Sookie is by then.
65. If I don’t, I’ll scream.
66. And make HBO pay.
67. Dearly.
68. New Jersey is NOT like Jersey Shore.
69. Even if Kelsie is only teasing when she says it is.
70. It’s not.
71. Well, maybe the preps here are like them…
72. But I’m not!
73. Nor are my friends!
74. And we’ll never be.
75. Unless the world ends.
76. Plague is not Twilight either.
77. I cannot stand when people call it Twilight.
78. I also cannot try to publish Plague until the Twilight fiasco is over.
79. They’ll all think it’s Twilight.
80. Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing…
81. Yes it would.
82. Why would I even think it wouldn’t be bad?
83. Half the world would boo it!
84. I should actually work on it though…
85. Impatient Rachel is impatient.
86. I cannot exclude Aim.
87. From anything.
88. She’ll be sad.
89. That’ll make me even sadder.
90. There’s a street by my school called Helena Ave.
91. I laughed when I first saw it.
92. My mom was wondering why I laughed.
93. I still haven’t told her.
94. I cannot play music while someone is in the room.
95. They’ll want me to play failure music.
96. Like Lady Gaga.
97. I think it’s best to just keep Maggie out.
98. But I don’t have that authority.
99. I also don’t have that authority in my own bedroom.
100. That sucks.
101. Screw 100 rules, I’m making more!
102. I cannot randomly snack in the day.
103. Even if it relieves boredom.
104. It’s a bad thing to do.
105. I’ve been doing a good job to not do it.
106. I even dropped two pant sizes.
107. I also fit in my sister’s pants.
108. She’s 12.
109. Is that a bad thing?
110. I cannot mention it around her.
111. She’ll get mad.
112. And yell at you.
113. And start to cry.
114. Then my mom will come in to ask what’s wrong.
115. Maggie will blame me.
116. Then I’ll get in trouble.
117. That’ll suck.
118. Fml.
Subject: 118 things I cannot do. Fuck 100. 
Mon Aug 16, 2010 6:43 pm
