1) I cannot buy ponies while in war.
2) Even if ponies are amazing.
3) People will get very mad at you.
4) I can’t tell England my unicorn is better than his
5) Even if it’s true.
6) I cannot be intimidated by Germany.
7) Germany’s just a jerk.
8) Everything he does is mean.
9) I hate him.
10) Even if he kissed me…
11) Then again,
12) He was drunk.
13) He tasted like beer.
14) I like beer.
15) I cannot let people insult how I dress.
16) I can dress however the hell I want!
17) Hungary says I’m manlier than Germany for dressing the way I do.
18) Germany could never pull off a dress.
19) He just can’t.
20) I cannot be intimidated by Russia.
21) He’s not that scary.
22) One day, I’m going to save Liet from that guy.
23) He’s just like Germany.
24) A jerk.
25) Why is everyone scared of that guy, anyway?
26) He looks cuddly.
27) Not evil.
28) Then again, there’s his past,
29) And his reputation for beating people.
30) Oh well.
31) I cannot wear my dresses to meetings.
32) France will get that look on his face.
33) Then I’ll have to kick his ass.
34) In front of everyone.
35) That’ll just embarrass France.
36) If he does come after me, that embarrassment is on him.
37) When all else fails, just buy the pony.
38) That’s when we say “Screw rule #1!”
39) I cannot pull on Italy’s hair curl.
40) Or Romano’s.
41) They make funny sounds.
42) And Germany will get mad.
43) Again.
44) Then I’ll have to own his ass.
45) With words.
46) If that doesn’t work, I’ll make his capital Warsaw.
47) Same goes for France.
48) If he tries to grope me.
49) I cannot ask to do China’s hair.
50) He’ll get like, mad.
51) He says he likes his hair in that ponytail.
52) But he just has great long hair.
53) There are so many possibilities…
54) And yet he won’t let me touch it.
55) That’s fine.
56) He just doesn’t want to look totally fabulous.
57) Like me.
58) I cannot ask Liet to do his hair either.
59) I’ll just do it anyway.
60) Even if he says no.
61) I cannot boast about my favorite color.
62) It’s pink.
63) Everyone else thinks that’s stupid.
64) Since I’m a guy.
65) I think pink is totally manly.
66) And so are ponies.
67) They’re like, all just a bunch of wimps.
68) And pussies.
69) Especially Germany. (This number totally makes me like, giggle!)
70) I cannot tell Liet when I’m helping him out of Russia’s house.
71) He’ll get like, totally scared and not want to leave.
72) He says Russia will totally come after him.
73) With like, a pipe.
74) I am not scared of his damned pipe!
75) I will make his capital Warsaw!
76) I cannot blame Liet for totally getting mad at me when I mention his situation.
77) He says it’s my fault.
78) Even though I can get him out of there.
79) I cannot ask Liet to put him in a dress.
80) He knows I’ll do it anyway.
81) Or I’ll make his capital Warsaw.
82) I cannot show my awesome pony to France and England.
83) They’ll totally try to leave.
84) Then succeed.
85) I cannot make England too angry.
86) He’ll get mad and like, curse me or something.
87) Then I’ll have to make his capital Warsaw.
88) Then he’ll be like, totally sorry he cursed me.
89) I just don’t wanna go through that hassle.
90) I cannot invite everyone to go to my house for a slumber party.
91) Even though it would be like, totally awesome.
92) We could do each other’s hair!
93) And give makeovers!
94) I’m sure half of them won’t like that though…
95) Oh well!
96) If they object, I’ll totally make their capital Warsaw.
97) Easy as that.
98) Do not say stuff like, “totally,” and “like.”
99) It makes everybody like, mad.
100) Like, totally.
Subject: 100 Things Poland Cannot Do 
Mon Aug 16, 2010 5:13 pm
Everything he does is mean.
