100 things Germany cannot do (btw its not very funny)

100 Things Germany Is Not Allowed To Do At World Conferences
1. Oktoberfest is only in your home country, not everywhere else.
2. A world conference in your country is still not in your country.
3. Oktoberfest is in October, and you are not allowed to bring the keg.
4. All documentation is to be in English, not German.
5. You are not allowed to provide translations.
6. Especially when America is involved.
7. You are not allowed to ask for your army back.
8. Even if you get the Group of Eight drunk form Oktoberfest.
9. Especially when America and England are involved.
10. Even if you have evidentiary support, the answer is no.
11. You are not allowed to scare Poland into voting your way.
12. Even if it works and Russia approves.
13. In fact, don’t do anything if Russia approves of it first.
14. You are not allowed to ask Russia for reparations. You lost the war.
15. You are not allowed to tell Israel that the Holocaust was a lie.
16. Especially if you called them ‘dirty Jews’ first.
17. You are not allowed to point out that highways were really Hitler’s idea.
18. You are not allowed to ask South American nations how your countrymen are.
19. Even if you know exactly where they are.
20. You are not allowed to mock America’s inability to speak German.
21. Even if they’ve just called themselves doughnuts.
22. ‘Invade Siberia’ is not an accepted back-up plan.
23. No matter how many countries agree.
24. You are not allowed to use S&M to persuade other nations to your side.
25. Especially if it’s France.
26. ‘In my country…’ is not an excuse for social failure.
27. You are not allowed to withhold tourism in order to cripple a country that ignores you.
28. Even if it’s Italy.
29. ‘Heidi Klum is from my country’ is not an acceptable insult towards America.
30. Even if it makes America cry.
31. You are not allowed to threaten other countries with your native cannibal population.
32. Even if you know they’d die of starvation in France.
33. Inviting other countries to the Bierstube is a bad idea.
34. It didn’t even work for Hitler.
35. You are not allowed to speak German during conferences.
36. It makes every other country think you’re declaring war.
37. Chances are, you actually are.
38. You are not allowed to declare war without an army.
39. You are never going to be allowed an army ever again.
40. You are not allowed to beat other countries with rolled up newspaper.
41. Even if it works and Japan approves.
42. You are not allowed to hold private conferences with Japan and/or Italy.
43. Especially if France, Poland, or China are the main topic of discussion.
44. You are not allowed to point out that all English royalty are actually German.
45. It is not a valid concluding argument.
46. You are not allowed to provide evidentiary support to prove the world is and always will be yours.
47. Or to prove that all western culture is German.
48. Even if it’s all true.
49. You are not allowed to ask for copyright payments on nuclear technology.
50. Or on rocket technology.
51. Even if we all know it’s actually yours.
52. You are not allowed to threaten to tell other countries’ mothers on them.
53. You are not allowed to claim momentary ‘American’ when you do it wrong.
54. You are not allowed to attempt to form an engineering conclave in Japan.
55. Lederhosen are only acceptable in parts of your home country, not in the conference room.
56. You are not allowed to show any film without checking if it is porn first.
57. If it is porn, it isn’t even acceptable in your own country’s government.
58. Even if you brought it for evidentiary support.
59. You are not allowed to barricade the doors before a vote.
60. Even if Switzerland provides the manpower.
61. You are not allowed to tell America that the end result will make him a hero.
62. Especially if you know it doesn’t.
63. Sealand is not a country. It is a manmade sea fort.
64. You are not allowed to say otherwise.
65. You are not allowed to force other nations into healthcare.
66. Even if most of the world agrees.
67. Shunning America until it does it is not good diplomacy.
68. You are not allowed to refer to black people as ‘America’s secret weapon’.
69. You are not allowed to make prostitution a legal occupation.
70. Even if that is the only job some of your citizens can have.
71. You are not allowed to nail edicts to the conference doors.
72. You are not allowed to form a religion around said edicts.
73. You are not allowed to gather allies for a new Reich.
74. Especially if they were in the last one.
75. Even if their Asian efficiency matches yours.
76. You are not allowed to call a diplomatic brawl ‘cultural exchanging’.
77. You are not allowed to teach other nations proper penal procedure.
78. Especially if your solution to overcrowding is to take them behind the chemical shed.
79. You are not allowed to base diplomacy on your football wins.
80. You are not allowed to confuse America by calling soccer ‘football’.
81. Even if the rest of the world agrees.
82. You are not allowed to admit the existence of spaetzle.
83. You are not allowed to threaten invasion of another country in order to jumpstart your economy.
84. You are not allowed to train other nations’ armies instead of paying your bills.
85. You are not allowed to ‘lose’ diplomats in the Black Forest.
86. You are not allowed to remind the world that the Nazi Party is still technically in your government.
87. Even if Israel starts getting uppity.
88. You are not allowed to share fairy tales for cultural exchanges.
89. Even if it’s fun to make America hide behind Disney.
90. You are not allowed to stand behind other armies to force them to work.
91. You are not allowed to claim copyright infringement on your uniforms.
92. You are not allowed to invoke your ancestral gods to win a cultural war.
93. It doesn’t matter that they’re all days of the week.
94. You are not allowed to take over Austria to purge the world of Freud.
95. You are not allowed to sell other countries’ souls to the devil for unending knowledge.
96. You are not allowed to turn a national tragedy that was your fault into a marketing campaign.
97. Even if it works and you can bring it up at every meeting.
98. You are not allowed to bolster another economy by trading porn tips.
99. You are not allowed to use the words ‘Heil’ or ‘Hitler’ within ten words of each other.
100. Even if it’s fun to make America freak out.
101. I hereby swear to abide by these rules as they are written, with great-
102. Screw you. I’ll see you in World War III.
Im Namen des Deutschland,
Ludwig

I didn't make this. I found it on DeviantArt when i was bored.

101 things Germany is not allowed to do during World Meetings (or other times)

1. I'm not allowed to bring my brother to the meetings.
2. – even if he begs.
3. – even if he bribes me with beer. Or wurst.
4. – I will not chain him to make him not follow me.
5. – not that I ever wanted to bring him with me.
6. I will not sit next to South Italy.
7. I will not sit between South and North Italy.
8. I will not sit between South Italy and Spain.
9. I will not sit next to France.
10. – I will NEVER AGAIN sit next to France.
11. I'm not allowed to use words like „oven" or „gas" next to Poland.
12. – I should try not to talk to Poland at all.
13. – I will not sit between Poland and Russia.
14. – I will not make Poland sit between Russia and me.
15. I won't ask any of the nations what my brother has done back when I can't remember anything.
16. – I will try to ignore the stories about my brother back then.
17. I will try to ignore Englands nazi jokes.
18. – I won't tell him he would've lost the war if America didn't help him.
19. I will not mention ANY war when France is around.
20. – I will not tell France that he would've lost all wars if England and America didn't help him.
21. I will not start a discussion with Austria about Beethoven.
22. – he was a great composer of the Viennese Classic.
23. – but he was German.
24. I won't correct America's „Ich bin ein Berliner".
25. – even if it sounds completely wrong.
26. I won't say that Hitler was Austrian.
27. – even if it's right.
28. – nobody will listen to me anyway.
29. I'm not allowed to say anything about radical politic systems.
30. – especially not about the right-wing.
31. I'm not allowed to question America's, China's or Russia's political systems.
32. I won't ask if Russia gives back Königsberg/Kaliningrad.
33. – not even to make Prussia happy.
34. – I should especially don't mention Prussia around Russia.
35. – nor around Poland and Lithuania.
36. – same goes for Estonia and Latvia.
37. I will ignore France's comments „how cute Saarland was".
38. – same goes for Denmark and Schleswig.
39. – ditto for Russia and the whole former GDR.
40. I won't try to explain that Lederhosen are normally only worn at Bavaria's place.
41. – or Austria's.
42. – I won't force Austria to wear them during meetings just to show.
43. I will ignore questions if I could perform Schuhplattler.
44. – even when I'm drunk.
45. – ESPECIALLY when I'm drunk.
46. – I won't force Austria to join me.
47. I'm not allowed to hit Italy.
48. – even if he's asleep.
49. – or if he's playing with Greece's cats or Hanatamago.
50. – If I do I should make sure that Romano's not watching.
51. I'm not allowed to walk to Spain during the break and make sure that I'll take my vacations at his house next summer.
52. – especially if the Italy bros. are around.
53. I'm not allowed to reserve my seat with a towel.
54. – even if the pattern is the European flag.
55. – especially if the pattern is the German flag.
56. I won't mention the fact that with the global warming Holland will disappear.
57. – I'm not allowed to make sinking sounds to Holland.
58. – nobody will believe they come from me anyway.
59. I will not start a discussion with America about global warming.
60. I will not buy cheap cigarettes from Czech Republic.
61. I will not try open an account with any of Liechtenstein's banks.
62. – I will never again try to open an account with any of Switzerlands banks.
63. – nor will I try with any of Luxembourgs.
64. I won't make Holland and Belgium have a discussion about who invented fries.
65. I won't order magazines from Japan.
66. – I won't pay him with kuchen.
67. I won't bring beer to the meetings.
68. – I won't let my brother do.
69. – see #1.
70. I'm not allowed to tell Cuba that the meeting room is smoke-free.
71. – I won't accept cigars as bribery.
72. I won't start a drinking session with England.
73. – especially because his beer tastes like pee.
74. – I mean, hey, it's warm.
75. – I have to stop Italy from joining us.
76. – we won't let Denmark or Holland join us.
77. – I won't sing bad songs about France then.
78. – I won't sing bad songs about France sober either.
79. I'm not allowed to call France „Franzecke", „Franze" or „Froschfresser".
80. – I won't tell him his best footballer of all times wasn't even French.
81. I won't start discussions about football.
82. – I won't join the football/soccer between America and England.
83. – I won't say Americans can't play football.
84. – because America is the whole continent and not only the US.
85. – even though Canada can't either.
86. If there's already a discussion about football I won't mention the fact that England as the homeland has won the World Cup only once.
87. – I won't mention the Wembley Goal.
88. – which wasn't a real goal.
89. – we would've won back then without that goal.
90. I'm not allowed to blame America for the Opel crisis.
91. – even if it's his fault.
92. – he should've watch GM back then.
93. I won't say anything to France's complaining about my wine.
94. – I will ignore his advice to stick to beer.
95. – I won't swap his apple juice with beer.
96. – even if it was funny last time.
97. – nobody believes it was me who did it, anyway.
98. – except for France.
99. – nobody listens to France, anyway.
100. I'm not allowed to bring my riding crop to meetings to get the control.
101. – I'm not allowed to leave it near Russia.

LOL.

Derp wrote:

LOL.

scottie wins.

Emma wrote:

Derp wrote:

LOL.

scottie wins.

Of course I do I'm scott <3

CuddleWithCorpses wrote:

Emma wrote:

Derp wrote:

LOL.

scottie wins.

Of course I do I'm scott <3

nice ego.

Emma wrote:

CuddleWithCorpses wrote:

Emma wrote:

Derp wrote:

LOL.

scottie wins.

Of course I do I'm scott <3

nice ego.

Your Tearing apart my ego emma. Why can't you just love me -tear- xD